*blowing away the dust* So, it has been a while...

Is this thing on?

It has been a while since I have blogged. It has been a hard year. Very hard. I lost my apartment and all of my belongings a year ago. That has really hurt more than I ever thought it would. Memories of where I came from, where I've been, who I am....all gone. That journey was hard enough. Add to that, though, an unexpected downward spiral health wise, that has included a two month hospital stay, and being on a very short leash as far as my freedom goes.

The whole point of this blog that I started was to find the good in the bad. To be perfectly honest, there was a stretch there that I could not see any sort of good. I had several conversations with God where I just told him how frustrated I was. I won't go as far as to say I threw in the towel on my relationship with God, but...I was not exactly His biggest fan for a while.

In the midst of all that, I was experiencing some very deep, personal heartache that I am still not altogether over, nor have I fully come to terms with. Some things just take time. I am finding that out with each passing day.

Fact is, health wise, and physically, I will never be where I was. That's hard to hear, and hard to type. But things could be worse.

Other things I am trying to accept are just going to take time. Only God knows the time table on those.
I saw on a friend's facebook page this morning where she quoted something that is so true. The quote? "You don't always get rewarded for doing the right thing....sometimes you get punished." I see that more and more everyday. Something else I am starting to see more and more of, is that you really do not always get back what you put out. 

The thing that is always the hardest for me is recognizing when relationships (of any sort) are parasitic, and when to walk away.I am thankful that, though I don't see her very often, I have a best friend who means what she says, and is a good listener when I need an ear.

I am thankful for the people God has placed in my life over the last year as I start to let go of the relationships that are not 50/50. 

So much of 2013 has been hellacious. But, there are a few things yet that leave me looking forward. I have a precious nephew due to make his arrival in December, and my sweet niece is so much fun to watch as she sees and learns new things. There have been, and continues to be tons of tears shed, but...there has got to be something greater around the corner that I am being prepared for.

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

New year, new beginnings?

So, it has been a while since I updated this blog. Partly because I did not have internet access, but also partly because things were just so bad there for a while that I could not find the silver lining in the rain cloud that hung over my head.

There for a while, pain was getting to be so severe for me that I felt like I was, as the old REM favorite goes, "losing my religion." I am sure you have been there, too. Things are just so bad. You're praying, and it just seems like nothing is coming together like you'd like, or that you are SO desperate for...

But, in the midst of some ever present trying times, I have been graciously smiled upon my the Lord. I FINALLY have a brand new, state of the art wheelchair that I have been needing for a while. Someone  whom I do not know, but am ever so thankful for, paid for my chair anonymously. Thank you, Lord, I am feeling SO much better. I still have an appointment with an orthopedic doctor/surgeon to see just what is going on with my hip after the fall that I had in early December. I am hoping that some PT will fix what ails me.

I am slowly trying to get moved in to a new place, and that is not without its challenges. I am so thankful for my church family who has been walking along side me in this hellacious journey I have been traveling since my return from California. I am still praying that the needs I have will be met fully so that I can get back to some sort of normalcy and life as I know it.

There is a major water leak in the NEW apartment, which, if I am being honest about it, makes me a little nervous since I already lost one apartment and my belongings. Every morning, it sounds like a waterfall in my bathroom as water is POURING out of the ceiling! Not normal, and I hope this gets fixed ASAP.

While I am so thankful for the many donations that have come my way, I am still hopeful that the things I hold dear to me can be salvaged. Won't you please pray for that, too? I would appreciate it.

Here is to a better start to 2013 than the ending I had to 2012. :)

Here's to moving forward!