It has been a while since I have blogged. It has been a hard year. Very hard. I lost my apartment and all of my belongings a year ago. That has really hurt more than I ever thought it would. Memories of where I came from, where I've been, who I am....all gone. That journey was hard enough. Add to that, though, an unexpected downward spiral health wise, that has included a two month hospital stay, and being on a very short leash as far as my freedom goes.
The whole point of this blog that I started was to find the good in the bad. To be perfectly honest, there was a stretch there that I could not see any sort of good. I had several conversations with God where I just told him how frustrated I was. I won't go as far as to say I threw in the towel on my relationship with God, but...I was not exactly His biggest fan for a while.
In the midst of all that, I was experiencing some very deep, personal heartache that I am still not altogether over, nor have I fully come to terms with. Some things just take time. I am finding that out with each passing day.
Fact is, health wise, and physically, I will never be where I was. That's hard to hear, and hard to type. But things could be worse.
Other things I am trying to accept are just going to take time. Only God knows the time table on those.
I saw on a friend's facebook page this morning where she quoted something that is so true. The quote? "You don't always get rewarded for doing the right thing....sometimes you get punished." I see that more and more everyday. Something else I am starting to see more and more of, is that you really do not always get back what you put out.
The thing that is always the hardest for me is recognizing when relationships (of any sort) are parasitic, and when to walk away.I am thankful that, though I don't see her very often, I have a best friend who means what she says, and is a good listener when I need an ear.
I am thankful for the people God has placed in my life over the last year as I start to let go of the relationships that are not 50/50.
So much of 2013 has been hellacious. But, there are a few things yet that leave me looking forward. I have a precious nephew due to make his arrival in December, and my sweet niece is so much fun to watch as she sees and learns new things. There have been, and continues to be tons of tears shed, but...there has got to be something greater around the corner that I am being prepared for.
:-) love you JA even though it's few in far between when I see you. I know there is goodness and I can't wait to see it hit you in the face lol it will be awesome.
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